I Finally Got Molly To Play "Photobooth" With Me

All it took was some pain meds and having 14 teeth removed...




I swear that mass of black fur on my lap is actually my dog's face. She's a little worse for the wear after her operation (she had to have dental surgery and got 14 teeth removed). I am taking advantage of her stoned state to take pictures with her. And just in case you think I'm a jerk, I did give her ice cream last night and fed her wet food out of my hand a la mama bird to a baby bird. Her mouth was too sore to pick up the food herself and chew it, but she was hungry so I just opted for dropping it down her gullet. My hands still smell like Beneful Dog Food Chicken Stew. Hot.

My dog already has a plethora of nicknames. Including, but not limited to: Moe-Moe, Moe-Moe Molly, Moofy, Moofy Moofatella, Moe, Bearded Lady, and Mol.

She's added some new ones to the list: Gums McGinty care of me. And Gumby, care of my Dad.

Also, this is what happens when you youtube "Animal Dentures":

Dear Molly, I am not going to take "No" for an Answer. Surprise Photobooth Attack!!!! Just Sit There On The Back Of The Couch And Look Cute. Love, Amy

Dear Amy,





No.
I hate you.
I am going to sit on the other couch.

Screw You,
Molly

Dear Molly, Please Play "Photobooth" With Me. Love, Amy

Dear Amy,










No.

Love,
Molly

Love Rant: Swamp People

I love the TV show Swamp People on the History Channel.
Why?
I have no freakin' clue.
But it's like a bad accident...you can't look away.
And it's like Cadbury Mini Eggs...strangely addicting.

The show is about people who live on the swamp and hunt alligators.
The end.
That's all.

Every single episode is the same.
Dudes driving around in a boat, huntin' alligators.
Will they catch a bunch of alligators?
Won't they catch a bunch of alligators?
I don't know. I guess I will just have to watch to find out exactly how many alligators they catch and if they catch a really big one.

One dude on the show, gets so dirty and smelly hunting alligators, he puts bleach in his bath water to clean up at the end of the day.
Another dude on the show, in addition to being an alligator hunter is also a world champion arm wrestler.
Could I make this stuff up?
Also, I'm 99.9% sure that guy wearing overalls pictured above (the one without a shirt) does not wear underwear. Like...ever, but especially when he's wearing overalls. And that is ALL that man wears when he hunts...overalls and america bandana.

What's interesting about the show is that here and now, in the year 2011 these dudes are still hunting alligators old school style. Like, you think there would be a computer software to help locate alligators and then sleek, special gator traps to trap the alligators.
Um.
No.
These guys string up putrid pieces of chicken (apparently, that's what dem gators love to munch on) on a giant hook, leave and come back the next day to see if they've hooked a gator. And gators being gators just devour down that piece of chicken whole, and the point is to get the hook into their stomach so they'll be on the line long enough for these dudes to drive up in their boats, pull them to the surface and put a bullet in this special quarter-sized spot between their eyes because APPARENTLY thats the ONLY place you can shoot a gator to kill it. Yeah. Seriously. Happy aiming if you eve get in a rumble with an alligator and happen to carry a sidearm. Then these guys HAUL the gator into their skimpy looking boat and move on to check their next line.
And THEN as the swamp people go about their day, pulling gators off their lines and shootin' them...these dudes just ride around all day, with like...a stack of dead alligators in their boat. I'm not even kidding. There was one episode where dudes were literally tripping over dead gator bodies in the boat, to haul ANOTHER dead gator into the boat.
It's equal parts horrifying and fascinating.
And I LOVE it. And I find equal parts horrifying and fascinating that I love it so much.
I'm telling you. Go to the History Channel website. And watch an episode. You will thank me and then tell me how much you hate me.




Oh and I know what you're thinking....
"BUT AMY YOU LOVE ANIMALS SO MUCH. PLUS YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY LOVE A SHOW ABOUT KILLING ALLIGATORS?!"
Um:
a) Last time I checked, not only are alligators NOT vegetarians, they're not nice carnivores. I think it has something to do with an oversized Medulla Oblongata. Or a toothache. One of the two.
b) Alligators are way over-populated in the areas these guys hunt and they HAVE to hunt the alligators to keep them from chowing down on someone's kid.
c) I want a pair of alligator skin converse sneakers. (Not really)
d) Alligators are dinosaurs. So they've pretty much already over-stayed their welcome on the party that is existence. (I don't really think that).

There. My tender, vegetarian heart has justified watching alligators die.


Also. I have never ever seen The Jersey Shore in my life and don't really care to, BUT I would love to see a Swamp People/Jersey Shore crossover episode. It should be two parts. Part 1: Snookie goes gator huntin'. Part 2:The Swamp people go fist pumpin'.

Dog-Sittin'

So, I dog-sit for my cousin quite a bit. She has two regular size poodles. I have a non-regular size poodle.



Here is Molly (my non-regular size poodle) wearing my favorite scarf:



Here is Gilda wearing my favorite scarf:



Sometimes, I don't dog-sit so much as the dogs sit on me:

Dog Sitting

So, I dog sat for my cousin again.

Her poodle, Gilda, wearing my ball cap:


My "toy" poodle, Molly, wearing my ball cap:

Love Rant: Dogs. BIG Dogs

All right, I thought I'd start this Love Rant Blog off, with a bit of a "no brainer" on something I love:

Dogs. BIG Dogs.

Not that I don't love my dog, Molly, (who is, rather small) (like, she's what would happen if dust bunnies ever evolved legs) . But, honestly? She's a little wimpy and whiny for my dog tastes. There's just something a bit more, well, dog-ish about a big dog. A big dogs says, "Hey. I'm so happy you're home. I'm gonna show you how happy I am by romping around the living room where I will probably come close to breaking something." A big dog waggin' some tail is a force to be reckoned with and a big dog can make the big, dopey, happy dog face. You know the one I'm taking about-the overgrown wide smile with the tongue lolling out the side. The Happy Dog Face. I'm not saying that a little dog CAN'T do all these things, I'm just saying that more often than not (at least in my experience) little dogs have the attitude and personality of a cat. Have you ever heard of the "Happy Cat Face?" No. Me either. Can you even picture a cat smiling (Cheshire cat doesn't count. He's creepy)? No. Me either.

Molly never makes the happy dog face. I feel like she has five expressions. They are:
1."What-ever"


2."As If"


3. "I'm Telling Dad"


4. "Wtf, you're leaving?!"


and

5."I'm excited (maybe about the mail, the fact that Dad's home, the kids walking by the window or the squirrel in the yard) so I'm going to high pitch bark until your ear drums bleed"

None of those are so humble, kind and simple as the happy-dog face.


You can playfully shove a big dog in a just for fun human-dog wrestling match. Whenever I shove Molly over she pretty much gives me the "As If" face and goes to sit on my Dad's lap. And, if I ever happen to get her in a "playing" mood, I get in trouble from my Dad who thinks I will break her. Which, isn't untrue. I probably WILL break her. Having a little dog is like having a newborn baby brother. You can coo at it and tell it how cute it is and sit with it in your lap. But God Forbid you try and play football with something you could probably use as a football. Having a big dog is like having a 12 year old brother. You know, the kind you can get into trouble with (and then put the blame on).

What's with all the big-dog talk?
No, I did not recently go out and by a labrador. Nor do I intend to anytime soon. I'm not ready to be a mother, or a sister more than once over just yet...
But I DID get to dog-sit (as I often do) for my cousin's super awesome standard poodles. Let me give you a little perspective...

This is Gilda, her dog, wearing my red sweater:



This is my dog wearing my red sweater:



Gilda loves to play the "I'm Gonna Get Your Paws" game. This game would just annoy Molly. Both Gilda and Gracie (the other poodle my cousin has) both play FETCH. As in I throw something, they bring it back. I throw sometime, they bring it back. This is NOT the version of fetch Molly likes to play which is either a) get my squeaky hamburger out from under the coffee table for so I can go play with it by myself or b) throw the squeaky hamburger across the room for me once so I can go play with it by myself.

Molly is good to take a nap with, but so are big dogs. And you never have to worry about rolling over on a big dog in your sleep...