Love Rant: Swamp People

I love the TV show Swamp People on the History Channel.
Why?
I have no freakin' clue.
But it's like a bad accident...you can't look away.
And it's like Cadbury Mini Eggs...strangely addicting.

The show is about people who live on the swamp and hunt alligators.
The end.
That's all.

Every single episode is the same.
Dudes driving around in a boat, huntin' alligators.
Will they catch a bunch of alligators?
Won't they catch a bunch of alligators?
I don't know. I guess I will just have to watch to find out exactly how many alligators they catch and if they catch a really big one.

One dude on the show, gets so dirty and smelly hunting alligators, he puts bleach in his bath water to clean up at the end of the day.
Another dude on the show, in addition to being an alligator hunter is also a world champion arm wrestler.
Could I make this stuff up?
Also, I'm 99.9% sure that guy wearing overalls pictured above (the one without a shirt) does not wear underwear. Like...ever, but especially when he's wearing overalls. And that is ALL that man wears when he hunts...overalls and america bandana.

What's interesting about the show is that here and now, in the year 2011 these dudes are still hunting alligators old school style. Like, you think there would be a computer software to help locate alligators and then sleek, special gator traps to trap the alligators.
Um.
No.
These guys string up putrid pieces of chicken (apparently, that's what dem gators love to munch on) on a giant hook, leave and come back the next day to see if they've hooked a gator. And gators being gators just devour down that piece of chicken whole, and the point is to get the hook into their stomach so they'll be on the line long enough for these dudes to drive up in their boats, pull them to the surface and put a bullet in this special quarter-sized spot between their eyes because APPARENTLY thats the ONLY place you can shoot a gator to kill it. Yeah. Seriously. Happy aiming if you eve get in a rumble with an alligator and happen to carry a sidearm. Then these guys HAUL the gator into their skimpy looking boat and move on to check their next line.
And THEN as the swamp people go about their day, pulling gators off their lines and shootin' them...these dudes just ride around all day, with like...a stack of dead alligators in their boat. I'm not even kidding. There was one episode where dudes were literally tripping over dead gator bodies in the boat, to haul ANOTHER dead gator into the boat.
It's equal parts horrifying and fascinating.
And I LOVE it. And I find equal parts horrifying and fascinating that I love it so much.
I'm telling you. Go to the History Channel website. And watch an episode. You will thank me and then tell me how much you hate me.




Oh and I know what you're thinking....
"BUT AMY YOU LOVE ANIMALS SO MUCH. PLUS YOU'RE A VEGETARIAN HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY LOVE A SHOW ABOUT KILLING ALLIGATORS?!"
Um:
a) Last time I checked, not only are alligators NOT vegetarians, they're not nice carnivores. I think it has something to do with an oversized Medulla Oblongata. Or a toothache. One of the two.
b) Alligators are way over-populated in the areas these guys hunt and they HAVE to hunt the alligators to keep them from chowing down on someone's kid.
c) I want a pair of alligator skin converse sneakers. (Not really)
d) Alligators are dinosaurs. So they've pretty much already over-stayed their welcome on the party that is existence. (I don't really think that).

There. My tender, vegetarian heart has justified watching alligators die.


Also. I have never ever seen The Jersey Shore in my life and don't really care to, BUT I would love to see a Swamp People/Jersey Shore crossover episode. It should be two parts. Part 1: Snookie goes gator huntin'. Part 2:The Swamp people go fist pumpin'.