Things That Are Frowned Upon At Work

So I recently started working at a call center-ish type place in the city. It's nice to be down in the city, I feel like I'm at least moving in the physical direction of the place I want to be. The work isn't exactly what I want to be doing, but for now-it's a paycheck and at least here I don't feel like I'm on fire from the minute I walk in the door to the minute I leave. Baby steps! Picking one apple at a time! The wheels of progress are slow, but I'm getting there.

Most of the time, I'm on the phones taking calls for 9 hours a day.
Sometimes it's a little interesting.
Mostly, it gets old after 45 minutes.
So when they told me they wanted to put me on a "special" project I was like, "Please and THANK YOU!"
I found out the "special" project was data entry, and apparently I did a good job because now I'm doing data entry A LOT.
Staring at an excel spreadsheet for 9 hours a day isn't exactly stimulating but it's still better than being on the phones. At least when I'm a data entry monkey I can have my thoughts to myself. I can make my plans for taking over the world, think about something funny on Modern Family and start giggling, or wax philosophical on the state of humanity.

But at the end of a special project day, I usually feel like this:


Then.
I found out something amazing. I looked around one day at all the people around me and saw they all had on headphones. Special project monkeys are allowed to LISTEN TO MUSIC ON HEADPHONES while they do their data entry thing!! This was pretty sweet news.

So I brought my iPod to work. And suddenly, data entry was awesome...


The hard part about this?
While you are allowed to LISTEN to music, you are NOT allowed to SING ALONG.
It is frowned up.


Frowned Upon:



Frowned Upon:



Frowned Upon:



Frowned Upon:



And yes...





Frowned Upon:

Dream Jobs

So, in thinking about all my career aspirations, what it is I want to do with my life, where I want to be in five years, who I am, who I want to be, where I want to go, who I want to be with, what I want to accomplish before I die, and generally the meaning of the universe and my place in it...
I thought it would be helpful to make a list of my dreams jobs.

Here is a short list of some of the things I would like to be when I grow up:

1. Mythbuster.
Why? Because you get to blow stuff up with Mentos.


2. Professional Blogger
Why? Because one day it might be nice to get paid to do one of my favorite things in the world: be a smart ass. I mean...write.


3. Horse Whisperer.
Why? Because I love horses a lot and it would be super cool to talk to them.


4. Action Movie Star.
Why? Because action movie stars are awesome and kick-ass. I would like to be awesome and kick ass. Even if it just were pretend.

P.S: Young children who read this blog (duh, everyone reads this blog): Don't draw pictures like this. They will get you called into the principle's office.

And my ultimate dream-job???

5. Side-kick to Ellen DeGeneres.
Why? Like I even need to explain. She is, without a doubt, the coolest person in the world. And who wouldn't want to be a side-kick to the coolest person in the world?



If anyone would like to act as a reference for one of the above jobs (for example, if you know a horse I would get-along with really well and could whisper to) (or if you know Adam or Jaime from Mythbusters and can tell them I'd be great at maniacally laughing after we blow something up) (or if you know Ellen DeGeneres and can convince her she needs a side-kick) let me know! I'll give you a hug for saying nice things about me and perform a horse-whispering for you for FREE. That's an offer you can't pass up.

Summer Lessons

This summer has been crazy. Absolutely crazy. Personally. Professionally. Everythingally.

I feel like I've been an emotional pinball this summer. Hittin' good spots that light me up with excitment, hittin' spots that should probably be followed by the sound effect, "Wah wah waaaaaaaaaaah".
I've learned a lot about myself these past few months. I'm a pretty proud, stubborn person. And I sorta felt like I failed at everything this summer. It's so hard to not be "THERE" when you want so badly to be "THERE." And because I'm not "THERE", I feel like I'm failing. ("THERE" being a job that I like, that affords me the ability to have a life that allows me to move out and be completely independent and self-sufficient. "THERE" being the ability to make my own life and have some security. "THERE" being the ability to not have to run so hard all the time to make my life work the way I want it to.) When I've been frustrated this summer, or down on myself or my situations my go-to "wish" has been, "God Damn, I wish I could just fast forward a year."
But you can't just fast-forward a year, nor if I was really honest, would I want to.


So, I learned a lot.

But I've learned one thing that's been especially enlightening and important. It may be one of the most revelatory things about myself I've EVER learned, in fact. And that is...

I am a super shitty farmer.

I don't think that plant could be anymore dead. And...I....I don't even know how this happened, really. One day it was fine and the next I looked at it and was like, "Oh, crap."
Well, that's kind of a lie. I guess I sort of know what happened...
It may have something to do with the fact that for those few weeks when it was super hot in Chicago and did not rain for a long time I kept saying to myself as I passed by the hose, "Ehhh....I think it's supposed to rain tonight."

Oops.
As intentional as the murder of my tomato plant sounds, I assure you...it wasn't. I'll grant you that it was maybe "plantslaughter" but most definitely not intentional nor premeditated. It just sort of happened. I kept saying I'd water it "when I got home" or that I'd "go out after dinner" and then...then I forgot or got occupied by something else.

So guys, next year? When I insist on planting plants? Someone please remind me what a shitty farmer I am.

My New Job: A Story In Comics

So I started a brand new job recently. This new job is not like anything I've ever done before. It's a great place to work, with very nice people. But I feel a little out of my element so far. Mainly, because I'm way way waaaaay out of the "art" sector. None-the-less, I'm lucky to have found a job and to get to work for such a great place.

Aside from the nice people, having a paycheck, benefits (now I can get hit by a bus and not get sent to debtors prison), and weekends off here are a few pretty awesome things about my new job:

1. I get a super official badge that grants me access to the building.

It makes me feel a little bit like I work for the CIA or FBI 'cause I can say things like, "Yeah, I've got the security clearance to be in this cubicle sector".
Mostly, I like it because I wear it around my neck and in doing so I let everyone I meet/come across/smile at in the hallway made of cubicle walls know: Hey. I work here. So don't even think about asking if I'm here for take-your-son-to-work-day.

2. We got a free travel mug.

The coffee to go in the travel mugs was not included. But at least now my coffee can travel with me and stay reasonably hot. AND I can score points for the environment by taking my travel mug into coffee shops and filling it up instead of using one of their paper cups. You're welcome environment!


As awesome as badges and free travel mugs are, there are some things about my new job that are hard for me...

1. You are not allowed to wear sneakers.

Not even on casual friday.

2. You have to talk about polite things. Like the weather and The Hawks and laundry.


You are NOT supposed to run your mouth off.


If you run your mouth off you might insult people...


3. You cannot run in the office. I mean, no one has officially told me that I can't run, but I assume it's one of those rules you should assume to be true.
You cannot run.
You have to walk.
Professionally.
With your badge on.
Why is it such a big deal that you can't run?? Because the area where I work is pretty much made of cubicles, and hence there are perfectly crafted "lanes" for racing. I mean...DUH. And it could only be all the more interesting to race in cubicle lanes and have to dodge printers, recycling bins, and fax machines. ALSO, I think it would be way fun to put a prize in a random person's cubicle and have a race to find it. Kinda like rats in a maze, except less Kafka-esque.


Here are some things I wish about my job:

1. That I could have a drum set in my cubicle.

I don't know how to play the drums, but the office is so quiet that sometimes I just want to make some noise. Hence my desire to have drum set in my cubicle to bang on.

2. That the cafeteria had an ice cream machine.
The cafeteria at the place I work is run by the same company that ran the cafeteria at the university I went to. One thing my school cafeteria had that this cafeteria does not have was a soft serve ice cream dispenser. There were days where I would eat three ice cream cones in one day. And I certainly would not mind if those days happened again...


Really, if I could have a drum set and an ice cream machine I would be pretty made in the shade. I could get over not wearing sneakers. And if I had a drum set that would distract me from wanting to run around. And if I had ice cream to shove in my face that would prevent me from saying something stupid!! Everyone WINS!