Love Rant: My Jean Jacket!

This is my jean jacket:



I love it. These are the reasons I love my jean jacket:

a) My jean jacket is stylish. So stylish it makes ME look stylish. Especially when I wear it while sporting aviator sun glasses. HI-YA!

b) My jean jacket is super practical. A light spring jacket? Why sure! A nice casual outer layer to compliment an ensemble? Heck yes, that too! It can double as an outdoor outer-layer AND an indoor outer-layer. I LOVE that. The jean jacket's transitionability (hooray for new words) makes it kinda like transition lens for glasses except MUCH less dorky. No need to swap sunglasses for indoor glasses and no need to swap a jacket for a cardigan when moving outdoors to indoors this jacket CAN DO IT ALL.

c) My jean jacket is DURABLE. I like to give the impression that I'm ready for anything. Kind of like Bear Grylls. You know, like at any moment I could be shoved out of some moving vehicle and do ok by finding a water source and following it to civilization (but not before battling the elements, eating some gross stuff and building a hammock out of praire grass). Now, I'm not wholly sure if I were ever shoved out of a helicopter into the African bush that I would be ok, but this jacket? Would totally survive. This jacket could do battle with a mountain lion. This jacket could wrestle an alligator. This jacket could tame a wild horse. AND this jacket makes me feel a little bit like I could do those things when I wear it. This jacket makes me feel WAY more tough than I actually am. In short...this jacket is sort of like my mini bat suit.

Which brings me to...

d) This jacket HAS SO MANY POCKETS. There are TWO front flap-y pockets. TWO front "put your hands in me" pockets AND (ready for it?) TWO pockets on the INSIDE. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE pockets on the INSIDE of a jacket. I have no idea why, but they just make me so very happy. It's like a secret hiding place. It's like an extra-special spot for my extra-important stuff. And I have to come clean and be totally honest and tell you that the real reason I love this jacket of many pockets INCLUDING pockets on the inside is that....
Well, it's as close as I am EVER going to get to running around wearing a utility belt.
Each pocket in the jean jacket has a specific purpose and a specific thing that goes in it....just like a utlity belt.
Anything can be whipped out at a moments notice and is always at the ready....just like a utlity belt.
Utility belts are awesome. I would absolutely wear one if it were socially acceptable. Since it's not, this jacket is as close as I'm going to get. It works under the guise of being a "jacket" and keeping me "warm" in "semi-cool situations" but is secretly my utility belt. Shhhh don't tell society. I'll be kicked out!

I LOVE my jean jacket because it is my bat suit and utility belt AND Bruce Wayne "lookin' good" fashion piece ALL IN ONE.

Funny Coversations I Have With Friends: Jeff and The Komodo Dragon

So, I am sitting and reading a wikipedia article about Komodo Dragons. Maybe we were talking about them, maybe I was trying to remember a fact about them I learned on Planet Earth or Life or the hit show Holy Crap Dinosaurs Are Not As Extinct As We Thought (I made that last one up).

JEFF: What are you reading about?
ME: Komodo Dragons.
JEFF: Are you gonna buy a komodo dragon?
ME: Yeah.
JEFF: Really?
ME: Yeah.
JEFF: Really?
ME: Yeah.
JEFF: That's awesome.
(Pause)
ME: Actually, no. I'm pretty sure they're all kinds of illegal to keep as pets. They're ginormous and have poisonous jaws. They're practically dinosaurs.
JEFF: Aww. Are they "Amy-size" dragons?
ME: Probably bigger.

This is what would happen if I ever owned a Komodo Dragon:


And, thus my life ends as I always knew it would-in a fit of irony. A vegetarian devoured by a carnivore.

Love Rant: Dogs. BIG Dogs

All right, I thought I'd start this Love Rant Blog off, with a bit of a "no brainer" on something I love:

Dogs. BIG Dogs.

Not that I don't love my dog, Molly, (who is, rather small) (like, she's what would happen if dust bunnies ever evolved legs) . But, honestly? She's a little wimpy and whiny for my dog tastes. There's just something a bit more, well, dog-ish about a big dog. A big dogs says, "Hey. I'm so happy you're home. I'm gonna show you how happy I am by romping around the living room where I will probably come close to breaking something." A big dog waggin' some tail is a force to be reckoned with and a big dog can make the big, dopey, happy dog face. You know the one I'm taking about-the overgrown wide smile with the tongue lolling out the side. The Happy Dog Face. I'm not saying that a little dog CAN'T do all these things, I'm just saying that more often than not (at least in my experience) little dogs have the attitude and personality of a cat. Have you ever heard of the "Happy Cat Face?" No. Me either. Can you even picture a cat smiling (Cheshire cat doesn't count. He's creepy)? No. Me either.

Molly never makes the happy dog face. I feel like she has five expressions. They are:
1."What-ever"


2."As If"


3. "I'm Telling Dad"


4. "Wtf, you're leaving?!"


and

5."I'm excited (maybe about the mail, the fact that Dad's home, the kids walking by the window or the squirrel in the yard) so I'm going to high pitch bark until your ear drums bleed"

None of those are so humble, kind and simple as the happy-dog face.


You can playfully shove a big dog in a just for fun human-dog wrestling match. Whenever I shove Molly over she pretty much gives me the "As If" face and goes to sit on my Dad's lap. And, if I ever happen to get her in a "playing" mood, I get in trouble from my Dad who thinks I will break her. Which, isn't untrue. I probably WILL break her. Having a little dog is like having a newborn baby brother. You can coo at it and tell it how cute it is and sit with it in your lap. But God Forbid you try and play football with something you could probably use as a football. Having a big dog is like having a 12 year old brother. You know, the kind you can get into trouble with (and then put the blame on).

What's with all the big-dog talk?
No, I did not recently go out and by a labrador. Nor do I intend to anytime soon. I'm not ready to be a mother, or a sister more than once over just yet...
But I DID get to dog-sit (as I often do) for my cousin's super awesome standard poodles. Let me give you a little perspective...

This is Gilda, her dog, wearing my red sweater:



This is my dog wearing my red sweater:



Gilda loves to play the "I'm Gonna Get Your Paws" game. This game would just annoy Molly. Both Gilda and Gracie (the other poodle my cousin has) both play FETCH. As in I throw something, they bring it back. I throw sometime, they bring it back. This is NOT the version of fetch Molly likes to play which is either a) get my squeaky hamburger out from under the coffee table for so I can go play with it by myself or b) throw the squeaky hamburger across the room for me once so I can go play with it by myself.

Molly is good to take a nap with, but so are big dogs. And you never have to worry about rolling over on a big dog in your sleep...

It's The Second Coming!!

...nope. Just kidding. It's just my new blog.

Welcome to The Love Rant!
My name is Amy.

I look like this:


I like to pretend I look like this:



Here are some fun facts about me:
1. I can play "Amazing Grace" on the harmonica. Here begins and ends all of my musical talent.
2. I live with two straight men and a toy poodle.
3. I'm a 24 year old woman but I could probably pass for your little brother.
4. I bat with Ellen DeGeneres, Melissa Etheridge and Lily Tomlin.
5. I am very bad at softball. And baseball. And basketball. And dodgeball. And football. Basically anything involving balls-I am bad at (see fun fact #4).


Anyway, my general life philosophy is that there's too much in life that's awesome and worth loving to get too upset about stupid stuff. And stupid stuff is usually a matter of perspective anyway.
In general here are some things I think are stupid:
1. Politicians
2. Snakes
3. Breast Cancer Awareness Month
4. Pants with no pockets
5. CNN

Now, there are plenty of blogs that rant about things that are stupid. I could go on and on and on about how much I dislike politicians. I could ramble on for hours about how I think snakes don't deserve to live. And I could spend days upon days discoursing on the pointlessness of pants without pockets (I mean, am I right? They're POINTLESS. Where the heck am I supposed to put my pocket knife? Without a pocket to go in a pocket knife is just a knife, and that's creepy. People who carry pocket knives are ready for anything. People who carry knives are scary.)
But all in all me going on and on about stupid stuff is kinda boring, right?

Henceforth on the Love Rant there shall be no more talk of stupid stuff.

This blog is going to be soley devoted to things that are AWESOME.

...or, at the very least, things that I think are awesome. And even if you don't think the things I think are awesome, are awesome. Hopefully, you'll at least be entertained.
What kinds of things do I love? Well...I'm pretty easy to please. I love a lot of things. Everything from ponies to Cheddar-Jack Cheezits to the tulips that have poked their little green stems outta the ground in my backyard. There's a lot to love in this world and it's high time there was a blog devoted to such things. And because it's about damn time someone gave Cheddar-Jack Cheezits their due.

In addition to Love Rants about things that are awesome you can also expect:

-Cooking posts. Because one of the most awesome things I love is food. And making food.
- Funny conversations with friends.
-Awesome youtube videos.
-Little mini comics. Like this one:
This is what my family (read: two straight men and a toy poodle) looks like:



So tune in for some love, hopefully some laughs and probably (most definitely) some ridiculous.