Love Rant: Conversations With the Broski (Episode 2)

This conversation illustrates my brother's and mine relationship in a nutshell. This is also why unlimited texting was invented:


BROSKI: (via text message)

ME: Yiiiiiiiikes!!! Stay warm and be safe driving!

BROSKI: I'm gunna shoot myself. Tell everyone I love them.

ME: Stop it. Don't even joke like that. Not funny. Put on your man pants and shovel your damn car out.

BROSKI:You put your man pants on and...and...yea!

ME: Hey. You didn't live through Snowpocalypse Chicago 2011. That's a weenie snowfall you got there.

BROSKI: Baaaaahahaha imagine having four of those...that's Menomonie....and I don't know if you looked at the date...it's late f@$%&*$ March!

ME: Um. In Snowpocalypse? There were drifts higher than me! And the wind blew in Abominable Snowmen that I had to fight off with only a shovel.

BROSKI: We had dragons that ate people.
BROSKI: And no offense but snow higher than you...not that big of a deal.

ME: You haven't seen me since Snowpocalypse. I never told you that one of the Abominable Snowmen chewed off my arm!
ME: I love you. I'm sorry it snowed.

BROSKI: I love you too. Dragon bit my head off. Doctors don't know how I survived.
BROSKI: Oh, I forgot. When you would be looking up for the dragons, scared...they would have leprechauns come kick you in the shins...

ME: The Abominable Snowmen can shoot lasers out of their eyes.

BROSKI: Pfff garbage can lid...reflect that shit right back at them.

ME: But the lids in Mt. Prospect are made of plastic!! The plastic melted when I tried to reflect the lasers back and shot in my eye! Now I'm blind.

BROSKI: Um. I have no head. boohoo blind.

ME: Shouldn't you be in class?

BROSKI: Shouldn't you be at work?

ME: Um. No. Not yet, thank you very much. Now pay attention!

BROSKI: To the leprechauns and dragons? Good idea.

ME: Just be safe out there, Headless-Broski. Love you.

Love Rant: Coffee Cups With Saucers

I have no reasonable explanation as to why this makes me so so happy...but it does. I'm slightly embarrassed to say that when my coffee comes on a saucer at a restaurant, I get a little giddy.
I don't know if it's the "tidiness" of the whole thing.
Or that if it's just elegant and classy.
(Really, what it probably is, is that, if a coffee cup on a saucer my brain is instantly like, "OMG! ROOM FOR A COOKIE!!")

Sometimes, I forget to be civilized.
Not that I'm a Barbarian, but I am always on the run and coffee, as much as I love it, is also my morning fuel. It's either thrown into a mug and guzzled in the morning a la Popeye downing a can of spinach or I run through a drive-though and get it in a disposable cup that's disposable because I didn't have time before I left the house to MAKE and SIT DOWN with an ACTUAL cup.
When presented with a coffee cup on a saucer, I'm reminded to slow down. I think, "Wow. This must be a damn good cup of coffee. I mean...its got its own chair and everything. I should sit in my own chair and enjoy it."
Coffee cups on saucers make me feel civilized. It's like permission to chill out for a sec, sit at a cafe with a book (and a cookie) and watch the world go by (with a cookie). I mean, think about it...if you're carrying a coffee cup on a saucer you have to walk slowly AND when you drink you can't just slam it back down on the table. You have to dantily return it to it's little place in the middle of the plate.
Also, as we've covered...saucer=built in cookie tray.

...this is as close as I am ever going to get (and have ever gotten) to having a tea party.
No thank you tea, just strong black coffee.
No thank you crumpets, just cookies.
No thank you proper posture and polite conversation, just a comfortable chair and an engaging discussion or a good book.
But yet yes yes please to my coffee on a saucer.

AND DON'T FORGET THE COOKIE.


...I suppose eating a cookie like cookie monster total defeats my whole argument that coffee cups on saucers make me slow down. Honestly though, it only slows me down when it comes to drinking and enjoying my coffee. Personally, I don't know any other way to eat cookies.





Also, when I image-searched "coffee saucers cookies" to find the above image I also found this...

I can't decide if it's a miracle or the worst thing ever because it pretty much make a saucer mostly moot.

Love Rant: Conversations With The Broski (Episode 1)

ME: So. What are you going to do with Dave when he comes in this weekend?
BROSKI: Drink.
ME: ...what ELSE are you going to do with Dave when he comes in?
BROSKI: Drink.
ME: You're not going to do anything fun? Why don't you rent bikes or something and go for a ride along the lake??
BROSKI: I'm going to pretend like you did not just say that. Seriously???
ME: Ugh. Please be careful whatever you do.
BROSKI: What? It's fine. We're just going to go to bars and hang and stuff. Plus, he always gets me hammered when I visit him so I need to return the favor.
ME: I fail to see how that is a favor.
BROSKI: Ok. Well...bye. I love you.
ME: I love you too. Be careful!

Love Rant: When I Don't Blog For Five Months And Then Try To Pretend Like Nothing Happened...

Yeah.
That.

More posts to come.
I'm trying very hard to be "back" again.

Things About Me That Are (APPARENTLY) Unattractive

Dog Sitting

So, I dog sat for my cousin again.

Her poodle, Gilda, wearing my ball cap:


My "toy" poodle, Molly, wearing my ball cap:

Things That Are Frowned Upon At Work

So I recently started working at a call center-ish type place in the city. It's nice to be down in the city, I feel like I'm at least moving in the physical direction of the place I want to be. The work isn't exactly what I want to be doing, but for now-it's a paycheck and at least here I don't feel like I'm on fire from the minute I walk in the door to the minute I leave. Baby steps! Picking one apple at a time! The wheels of progress are slow, but I'm getting there.

Most of the time, I'm on the phones taking calls for 9 hours a day.
Sometimes it's a little interesting.
Mostly, it gets old after 45 minutes.
So when they told me they wanted to put me on a "special" project I was like, "Please and THANK YOU!"
I found out the "special" project was data entry, and apparently I did a good job because now I'm doing data entry A LOT.
Staring at an excel spreadsheet for 9 hours a day isn't exactly stimulating but it's still better than being on the phones. At least when I'm a data entry monkey I can have my thoughts to myself. I can make my plans for taking over the world, think about something funny on Modern Family and start giggling, or wax philosophical on the state of humanity.

But at the end of a special project day, I usually feel like this:


Then.
I found out something amazing. I looked around one day at all the people around me and saw they all had on headphones. Special project monkeys are allowed to LISTEN TO MUSIC ON HEADPHONES while they do their data entry thing!! This was pretty sweet news.

So I brought my iPod to work. And suddenly, data entry was awesome...


The hard part about this?
While you are allowed to LISTEN to music, you are NOT allowed to SING ALONG.
It is frowned up.


Frowned Upon:



Frowned Upon:



Frowned Upon:



Frowned Upon:



And yes...





Frowned Upon: