Love Rant: Conversations With the Broski (Episode 2)

This conversation illustrates my brother's and mine relationship in a nutshell. This is also why unlimited texting was invented:


BROSKI: (via text message)

ME: Yiiiiiiiikes!!! Stay warm and be safe driving!

BROSKI: I'm gunna shoot myself. Tell everyone I love them.

ME: Stop it. Don't even joke like that. Not funny. Put on your man pants and shovel your damn car out.

BROSKI:You put your man pants on and...and...yea!

ME: Hey. You didn't live through Snowpocalypse Chicago 2011. That's a weenie snowfall you got there.

BROSKI: Baaaaahahaha imagine having four of those...that's Menomonie....and I don't know if you looked at the date...it's late f@$%&*$ March!

ME: Um. In Snowpocalypse? There were drifts higher than me! And the wind blew in Abominable Snowmen that I had to fight off with only a shovel.

BROSKI: We had dragons that ate people.
BROSKI: And no offense but snow higher than you...not that big of a deal.

ME: You haven't seen me since Snowpocalypse. I never told you that one of the Abominable Snowmen chewed off my arm!
ME: I love you. I'm sorry it snowed.

BROSKI: I love you too. Dragon bit my head off. Doctors don't know how I survived.
BROSKI: Oh, I forgot. When you would be looking up for the dragons, scared...they would have leprechauns come kick you in the shins...

ME: The Abominable Snowmen can shoot lasers out of their eyes.

BROSKI: Pfff garbage can lid...reflect that shit right back at them.

ME: But the lids in Mt. Prospect are made of plastic!! The plastic melted when I tried to reflect the lasers back and shot in my eye! Now I'm blind.

BROSKI: Um. I have no head. boohoo blind.

ME: Shouldn't you be in class?

BROSKI: Shouldn't you be at work?

ME: Um. No. Not yet, thank you very much. Now pay attention!

BROSKI: To the leprechauns and dragons? Good idea.

ME: Just be safe out there, Headless-Broski. Love you.