Saturday, March 26, 2011

Love Rant: Pearle Vision!

So. I had to make an eye appointment to get my eyes checked. It's been about two years since I had my last exam.
Time to get them peepers a stronger set 'o' specks before I start all out Mr. Magoo-ing around town.

Upon a recommendation from my Papa, I decided to go to Pearle Vision.

So I walk in to Pearle and am greeted right away by a friendly gay man who directs me to the waiting area. The most important part is that he was friendly. I only mention he's gay because sometimes it's nice to walk in a place (especially in the suburbs) and be like, "Phew. My people." I can get a long with almost anyone. I like almost everyone. And I have a ton of patience for people. But sometimes, especially since I'm so visibly gay, it's just nice to know you won't be judged and that for a change, you won't get the "up and down" while someone tries to figure you out. Maybe this friendly gay man was secretly criticizing my barn jacket from gap kids in his head and how it didn't match my shoes BUT his friendly smile did my little ticker good.

Then the friendly gay man did all my initial tests. I am notoriously bad at the "hold still and don't blink while a poof of air is shot at your eye test" but it only took him twice for each eye to get it done. Nice shootin', dude! He also took 3D pictures of the inside of my eyeball!!! Uh...AWESOME. The insides of my eye look like OUTER SPACE!!! Don't believe me??
Observe:


EYEBALL (not my eyeball):




OUTERSPACE:


Uncanny, right? I'll refrain from discoursing on the possibility that there is an alternate universe IN OUR EYEBALLS.
For now, at least.


So then I got my peepers checked by a nice doctor. The doc showed me and explained the 3D eyeball images. That conversation went like this:
HIM: (Pointing) Ok so what you're looking at hear is eye mumbo jumbo blah blah retina blah blah nerves.
ME: *Half interrupting him, unable to contain my excitement over seeing my eye in 3D* WOW! That's awesome!!
HIM: ...yes. Yes it is quite cool. Anyway, this is your other eye part and it attaches to this and don't worry about these dots that's just the alcohol we use to clean the machine, you don't have melanoma or anything.
ME: Oh. Ok. Well that's good.
HIM: Yes.

Then the doctor sent me back to the friendly gay man to pick out frames and check out.

Ok, sometimes, when you're a tiny lesbian that looks like a 13 year old boy, it gets old constantly having to "explain" why your style is the way it is. I mean, I'm sure on some levels it's difficult for everyone to find things that fit their style and I know everyone has their hang-ups and insecurities.
BUT, occasionally, I think it's a hard thing for people to wrap their brains around that I'm not trying to be different. I'm not trying to look like a boy or a man. I'm not trying to make a statement. I'm not trying to challenge gender norms. It's a hard thing for people to understand why a girl wants to wear boy jeans or a boy shirt. I get...gender is one of the most fundamental ways of categorizing people. But, I'm not trying to do anything other than be myself and for me...that means sportin' converse sneaks and kickin' it in boy jeans.
All I want to do is exist in the world in a way that's comfortable for me. So yeah, I buy some clothes from the boys section. Yeah, my hair is super short. Yeah, I could watch Mythbusters ALL DAY LONG (and get super excited everytime something explodes) and yeah, I always carry a pocket knife.
It doesn't mean I don't like being a girl. And it doesn't mean I want to be a boy. And I'm not even trying to be ambiguous. It just means, this is me and this is how I roll. Most of the time (99.9%), it's not a problem. No one has ever been *really* ugly to me (I can count on one hand the number of times I've been called a "dyke" in a nasty way). But, especially in the suburbs...there are stares, I've seen people "titter" at me out of the corner of my eye or behind my back and one time in a restroom some chicks all out laughed at me. This sort of BS really doesn't bother me. It's actually the simple stuff that can be the most difficult...

Like...clothes shopping. I do it almost exclusively online. Because it feels weird to shop and pick out clothes in the boys section and then think, "which dressing room should I go in?"
Like...Hair cuts. I don't get bent out of shape over it, but it does get old to hear, "Oh. You like it short, huh?" Every. Single. Time. I. Get. My. Hair. Cut.

I will fully, 100% admit that most of these hang ups are completely my own. I get really insecure when I feel like I make someone uncomfortable. It's just weird to feel like you've made someone's head explode because you're a chick and asked for a number 2 razor to be taken to your hair. Is some of it in my head? Sure. Absolutely. I think a lot of everyone's insecurities are all in their brain. But it some of it real? Yup. It's gotta come from somewhere.

Anyway, all this to say...picking out eye glasses frames. Ladies frames on one side of the room. Dude frames on the other. Look, I totally get that eyeglasses are a little more utilitarian. Every pair of frames I've ever had have come from the ladies section. I'm not saying that I wanted to pick out frames from the men's section. But, well, here's what happened...

So friendly gay man asked me, "What kind of frames are you looking for?"

I pointed to my current pair of glasses and said, "Something similar, maybe I'd go with a plastic frame. But I like classy, simple and classic. Preferably black frames."

So, he starts pulling pairs off the shelf. We try this, we try that. I find a couple of half frames I like. So, we're looking at those and then he suddenly goes, "Oh honey (gay men are pretty much the only people I'm ok calling me "honey") let me check your prescription, I think it's too high for half frames."
And sure enough, dorky von dorkerton that I am...my lens will be too thick to go in half-frames. Oh well.
So we're looking some more and I start trying on some plastic frames. He starts handing me some and can tell by my reaction I'm not so hot on what I'm putting on my face. The shape of the glasses weren't right for my face, most of the plastic lens in the section kinda subtly curved up and looked dumb on me. My face is kinda square, so anything curvy looked dumb. So, I find a pair I can live with but friendly gay man can tell I only like them enough to live with them. So friendly gay man says, "Hang on. I think I have something you'll like"
And then friendly gay man then walks across the store, to the men's section and comes back with a pair of frames.

I put them on.
And they are perfect.
They are the right shape.
They fit me well.
And they are black, simple and classic.

There was something about the shape and the size that just worked on my face. The difference between men's and women's glasses in terms of style really isn't much, I get it. I'm not saying I couldn't have found SOMETHING in the women's section. That's not the point.

So, I put them on and I know they're perfect and so I say, "Perfect! Done and done!"
He he's like, "Wow, that was easy!"

And I kinda laughed but I wished I had thanked him for listening and I wished I had thanked him for knowing. I wished I had thanked him for not forcing me to say, "Eh. The feminine look doesn't do anything for me." Dude looked at me and thought to himself, "Oh. I can tell by this person's converse sneakers, loose fit jeans and jacket from gap kids that I probably shouldn't suggest the pink frames." He knew what I wanted and was willing to go to the other side of the room to get it for me. Even though what worked for me was *gasp* out of the men's section and *gasp* I'm a girl.

I really wanted to hug him. So often, I'm completely on my own when it comes to figuring out style stuff. Which is fine, most of the time I prefer it that way because most of the time the people who try to help are like, "what about the pink?" "how about a bra that boosts?" And I'm like, "Aaaaarrggg you don't get it."
I wanted to hug this guy for getting it. It might not have seemed like much to him, but to me it was pretty awesome.


I actually had fun picking out my frames AND THEN this friendly gay man was like, "I have a surprise for you!!" I was like, "TELL ME!" He's like, "YOU GET FREE SUNGLASSES!" And I was like, "THAT'S AWESOME!"
And then we went over to the sunglasses section and he asks, "What do you like?" I said, "Aviators".
So we try on some aviators and they're not really working for me. They dipped a little too low and made me look like a bee. I ask him what he thought. His reaction was kinda, "Eh."
Then I see a pair of super awesome, retro with a touch of funk Clubmaster Sunglasses. And I say, "THESE ARE AWESOME!" He says, "Oh yeah, those are great. I talked an old lady out of those earlier today, they weren't working for her."
And I put them on and THEY WERE AWESOME. So I got them. For free. Ray Bans. Ray Ban sunglasses. For free.
I had them in my pocket later that day, along with my ipod and thought to myself, "Shit, I hope I don't get mugged. I've got like $300 worth of stuff in my right jacket pocket alone! And that's not counting the 12 bucks and 10 dollar borders gift card I have in my wallet!"

So I love Pearle Vison. They are nice. They gave me free Ray Ban sunglasses. But even nicer than free sunglasses was the guy who helped me. I love people who do their job well. And I love connecting with someone and feeling like they "get" you without having to exxxxplaaaaaaain yourself. Even if it's just for a fleeting moment to pick out stupid eyeglasses frames. Thanks, friendly gay man. I'm sending you a big hug.



I will post a picture of my new frames once they come in. For now...check out my super awesome sunglasses! I asked my Dad what he thought of my new shades and he said, "You look like Elvis Costello".



























What these sunglasses say: Allison, I know this world is killing you. But my aim is true.
I haven't quite decided if I can pull them off yet, but I honestly don't really care.
They're too cool. And I am in desperate need of cool as my eye-glasses
progressively get more and more like coke bottles.


















So, to recap...
Why getting my eyes checked was awesome:
1. I found out there's an alternate universe inside my eyeball.
2. An awesome dude helped me pick out the perfect frames.
3. Elvis Costello sunglasses for free.

3 comments:

  1. Those sunglasses are amazing. I can't wait to see them in real life. Please tell me you'll be around on Thursday when I get to work.

    -Melissa

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, Melissa! I'm pretty excited about them. I should be around, although I'll be teaching. I'll try and run into you to show you mah new shades.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You should write a letter to that Pearl Vision complimenting your dude on his excellent customer service!

    ReplyDelete